Here’s the Thing: Yesterday, Mike spoke about worry and the fact that it is a sin. Faith and worry cannot coexist. You are governed by one or the other.
I have been in wonder once again at how good God is and how faithful His Word is. Up until the last few years, my entire left has been consumed by fear and worry. Even as a child, I was almost always afraid and worried constantly. Afraid to be alone; afraid of crowds. Afraid to fail; afraid to achieve. Afraid that I would never be good enough. Embarrassed and worried about my physical appearance. Afraid that I could never be a good enough wife, mother, daughter, mother-in-law, grandma…….not to mention that pesky title, Pastor’s wife! How could I possibly pull that one off?
I have been transformed! I am NEVER afraid; imagine that! Worry no longer has any place in my life. This transformation did not happen all at once, it has come over a long period of time as I determined that I would trust God and His promises. The things that I experience now that would have kept me awake at night, sick to my stomach (and other physical manifestations that I’m too lady-like to mention here), no longer affect me at all! I look back on trials (and, yes, I still have them) and think, “Hmmmm, that was a little bump in the road, wasn’t it? What can I learn; how did I see God at work in that?” This, my friends, is nothing short of a miracle!
My last real “melt-down” came exactly a year ago when Mike and I travelled to Hong Kong to be Bible couriers into China. The second night, I experienced a spiritual attack unlike anything that I had experienced in many years. I was so afraid, so jet-lagged, so hot, so over-come with new smells, that if I could have gotten home somehow, I would have without hesitation. I was committed, though, for two entire weeks (including a period of time when Mike would leave me to travel for the first time to Vietnam). I was nearly paralyzed by fear, and here I was supposedly there to serve the cause of Christ and the furtherance of the Gospel. Satan certainly wanted me to fail!
Those of you who know me well, know that I am not a crier. I am pretty steady emotionally (I used to “worry” that this was a character flaw--that I was a frigid cold fish). I now know that God made me with the ability to see both sides of issues and has gifted me to remain calm and collected--an analyzer. Well, not that night! I cried liked I hadn’t cried since I was a child. My dear Mike crawled down from the upper bunk, we prayed, searched the Scriptures, rebuked whatever Spirit was trying to hinder my success and guess what? It left! I woke refreshed, restored, renewed and ready! I even enjoyed myself while Mike was gone for three days. I never missed a day of carrying my precious cargo across the border. At the end of two weeks, I was not ready to leave and am excited about returning in the summer of 2010.
Since last summer, I have experienced no worry; no fear. Many of you might think, “Yes, but Robin, you and Mike had it made. Your life is like a fairy tale.” Well, the truth is that Mike and I still live in a very real, fallen world. Jesus told us that there would be trials and trouble, and there are plenty, but His Word is true:
John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
He knows so much better than I do! I trust Him with my life, with my husband’s life, with lives of my sons and their wives, and with the lives of those precious seven grandchildren. I agree with Job: Job 13:15 “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him."
Transformation is available! It is possible! Delight yourself in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4)